I figured I should come here and update everything. But that’s just it…..there’s NO updates at all. Which sucks. At this moment in time we are not able to go forth with adoption because of financial reasons. Tim’s job isn’t doing that great and we’re losing a vehicle again. But things happen for a reason so we are still trying to stay positive about it all.
As of this month(September) our home study is expired.. I do have to admit it is a little frustrating to have barely gotten anywhere with the adoption. But also at the same time Tim and I realized that we may have jumped in too soon. We both felt it as a call from God to adopt–which it really is–but we should have sat on it longer and really thought about it. Do we regret doing it the way we did? Not really because it’s all a learning experience.
I honestly didn’t think we’d be in another waiting game like this. With our infertility we are at 6 years trying/waiting and now since announcing the adoption it’s been 2 years. I’ll be the first to admit that I SUCK at waiting. I kinda want it done as soon as possible, but with God that doesn’t exactly happen. Not saying it can’t be ASAP but when it comes to God you have to trust HIS timing. He runs on a different clock than us. Which can be very aggravating sometimes but there’s physically nothing we can do to rush him. If we got what we wanted when we want it then we wouldn’t learn anything! The waiting game is about learning lessons. Once you get what you want when God gives it to you, you’re going to look back and see WHY he didn’t give you that thing when you asked for it because you’re going to see all the lessons you needed to learn.
I firmly believe that Tim and I have a major purpose in the middle school/high school kids lives at our church to fulfill before we are granted with our own baby to love. By helping these kids thru their struggles we are learning lessons this way too. I’m so blessed that God seen fit to place me in the student ministry at our church because I would NOT have picked this for myself at all. But God knows better for us. And he knows that I have a lot of love to give and that I needed people to pour all my love on. Having these kids to be there for and mentor really does help me most on the days where I’m just really down about not having my own baby yet. And the kids know the struggle Tim and I have. They are constantly praying for us and want to see us blessed with our own kids one day. They want it as bad as us. A majority of the students call us mom and dad or consider us their spiritual parents and that makes me feel really good because I’m always thinking about if I’m going to be a great mom or not and these kids are just confirming it and reassuring me that I will be.
Lately I’ve been kinda fighting depression because I’m just longing to get pregnant on my own without paying for treatments to become a mom. I want to experience the whole miracle of carrying a child. It doesn’t help that everywhere I turn I’m seeing announcements popping up. Now, don’t take this wrong because I am super, super happy for everyone but at the same time it makes me feel like a failure. Yes, you can feel extremely happy for someone AND feel really bad on the inside for yourself. Its a sense of helplessness in a way because there really isn’t much you can do. And that’s not a fun feeling to always have or be reminded of. Like I said, please don’t take that wrong. It’s not a feeling of jealousy that will make someone go steal a baby, LOL nooooo but its more of asking God when will it be your turn to announce a miracle like that? I LOVE all the creative ways of revealing pregnancies. I have a whole private board on Pinterest just for baby things like announcements, gender reveals, outfits—-the whole works! At times I feel like that board is useless because we haven’t gotten to do any of what I’ve pinned. But I’m trying to cling to hope that one day we will.
So, to the ones that are still following this blog, I ask that you keep Tim and I in your prayers.